Monday, February 12, 2007


On the advice of friends and family, I recently signed up for a NetFlix account. For those of you who don't know, NetFlix is an online video rental store. You pick the movies you want, put them in a queue, and depending on your subscription plan, they send you 1-3 at a time. When you are finished, you return them and they send you the next one on your list....Or so I thought.

I started off my queue with seasons 2 and 3 of Nip/Tuck. My brother got me hooked on the show, and I'm trying to catch up on the past seasons before I watched the season 4 episodes I recorded this year. Well, after a few episodes from season two, I got tired of waiting 2-3 days for the next disc, so I went out and "acquired" the rest of season 2 on my own. I then moved a movie to the top of my list, just to change things up.

Well, apparently NetFlix didn't believe that I wanted another movie, so they sent me another episode of season 2, which I immediately sent back. I then went back in and deleted all the season 2 discs from my queue. Ok, now I should get my movie. Nope, NetFlix has apparently penetrated my subconscious and learned that I really want the first disc from season 3.

What the F*** is going on? What in the hell kind of sh*tty queue is this? Basically, I'm spending $10 a month to watch movies I may or may not want to see. I should just go get a girlfriend and take her to the movies. I might end up seeing a good action flick or a crappy romantic comedy, but at least I might get lucky at the end of the night....

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Unlock Anything!!

I found this video online yesterday. The title was "How to unlock a car using nothing but a tennis ball". I figured they were going to just throw the tennis ball through the window. Well, I'm not going to spoil the video for you, but they actully use the tennis ball to unlock the driver's side door!!

As if it isn't crazy enough that you can unlock a car door with an object you can buy at the local sporting-goods store for a few bucks, my dad was telling me the other day about a story that WTAJ News did on "bump keys". A bump key is basically a key blank (a key that has not been cut to a specific bitting) or another key made for the targeted typed of lock, that has each groove filed down to the lowest level. The key is then inserted into the lock (almost the whole way) and then tapped by a mallet while applying a slight turning force to the key. Using this method, an unskilled person can pick a lock in a matter of seconds. The people at WTAJ were able to learn how to do this very quickly, and they actually used it to break into the police station. The kicker is that you can buy these keys online! Check out Wikipedia for more info.


Monday, February 05, 2007


I watched the Super Bowl last night at my friend Mike's house, and I have to give him props for throwing a good party. Good food, good people, and 56 inches of high-def football. Now I have never been a proponent of high-def television. My thought always was that you're watching the same show, so the entertainment value should be the same. Yes, one might be a little clearer than the other, but its still the same show. Why pay the extra money?

Well, I changed my mind a little last night. Watching high-def is not like being at the game. Watching high-def is BETTER than being at the game. Real life is not as vivid as it is on television. Things aren't as bright, colors aren't as brilliant...high-def could make my basement look like the Taj Mahal. Mike was having some trouble with the sound on his high-def at one point, so he switched over to his satellite. It was a night and day difference. It was like watching the game underwater. we quickly decided that bad sound or no sound was better than crap picture.

There is a downside to high-def though. As my friend Jamie pointed out, all the imperfections of people are even more glaring and annoying in high-def. Dan Marino's hair looked curlier, Shannon Sharpe appeared more horse-like, and Boomer Esiason looked like an albino. It didn't make Prince look any shorter though...

Friday, February 02, 2007

Guitar Hero

You may ask where I have been recently, well I've devoted my entire life to playing Guitar Hero for the PS2. Ok, not really, but it sounds good.....Wait, I guess that doesn't even sound good.

I will admit that I was really into Guitar Hero for quite awhile, then 2 things happened: 1) I had to start practicing the REAL guitar again, and 2) My friends showed me a video of some 8-year old kid kicking ass at the game. That just totally depressed me. I as a 26 man should be able to do EVERYTHING better than an 8-year old. I'm stronger, faster, smarter, wiser, and I have hair in places that he hasn't even conceived yet (so what if I shave it). The only thing an 8-year old should even be in same ballpark as me in is coloring.

This kid had to have put some serious time into this game to get that good. Hell, he had the damn song memorized!!! I've been playing guitar for 8 years, and I can't even memorize a song on that game. At least with a real guitar, you can assign a note to a string/fret. On the game, you have to remember, "red-red-yellow-red-yellow-blue-orange". It's like playing that stupid Simon game.

Look kid, for your own good, put down the fake guitar and pick up a real one. I will admit that I'm jealous of your abilities, but where in the world are you going to get playing PS2? You've got a good start on the finger work. Maybe you'll be the next Eddie Van Halen. I saw a guitar in the background of the video, so maybe there's some hope...

Thursday, January 04, 2007

New Years Resolutions

The New Year always amuses me because of one thing: New Years Resolutions. I love watching people get all geared up for something for about a week, then at the first possible convenience, got back to their old habits. Besides, why do they wait until January 1 to start this crap? Couldn't they have started losing weight in December? Did they have some sort of revelation on New Years Eve that smoking is bad for them?

When I went to the gym on Tuesday I had to laugh at all the people there. Usually, on a busy day, there are 15-20 cars in the parking lot. On Tuesday there were over 40. Yesterday, we were back down to about 35, so I figure it won't be long until everyone decides that losing weight is just too damn hard.

Now I really never make New Years Resolutions, but if I did here's what they'd be:

  1. Continue to go to the gym - I've been slacking off the last month
  2. Stop spending money frivolously - Damn! No more $1.99/min. to call those 976- numbers
  3. Play more poker - I enjoy the game and could probably get good at it. Of course, this is a direct violation of #2
  4. PRACTICE guitar - Playing the intro to Sweet Child O' Mine 100 times a week is not practicing. Neither is playing Guitar Hero for PS2.
  5. Go to church on a regular basis - At this point I need all the help I can get
  6. Find a nice girl and settle down...or maybe just date casually...or maybe a not-so-nice girl...screw it, I'll just get a dog.
  7. Update this blog more than once a month

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

From time to time, we all have those dreams where we go "What the heck was that?". It's usually "Why am I dreaming about THAT person?", or "Why am I running around my high school naked?". Lately, I've been so exhausted that I either haven't been dreaming or just haven't been able to remember any of them. Over my Christmas vacation though, I was able to catch up on some sleep, which caused me to have this weird-ass dream the other night:

I'm running through the city (don't ask me what city because I have no clue), somebody is chasing me and its raining. I'm able to get away from the person who's chasing me as they get caught up in traffic, so I start running up this hill that has all these stores/restaurants on it. I figure I can duck into on of them to escape this person.

So I go into this place that's like a futuristic Dave and Busters. It's a circular building with different stations as you go around the circle. At each station there a bunch of guys drinking beer and playing some sort of video game like a golf simulator, only with baseball. You actually get a baseball bat, a ball is pitched and you get to whack it, and depending on where you hit it, it tells you out/single/home run/etc. (Side Note: I can't believe somebody hasn't invented this yet). So I grab a baseball bat and try to hide in a corner.

A few seconds later the person chasing me comes in carrying a gun, and I finally can identify who it is: a girl I went to high school with named Laura. Now, I haven't seen Laura more than a handful of times in the past 8 years, but apparently she wants to kill me. She doesn't see me, so I take the bat, raise it above my head, swing,.....and find out that I'm just as big a pussy in my dreams as I am in real life. I must have Tyrannasoraus Rex arms or something because not only can't I even make good contact with her face, but I'm swinging like a 5-year old girl with muscular dystrophy who spent her entire life in Auschwitz. So, I'm on the run again. I leave the building, get into a car and drive off to....a parking garage.

It was at this point that I (thankfully) woke-up. If dreams are supposed to mean something, I would love for someone to tell me what the F*** this meant.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Where the Hell Have I Been? (part 2)

Ok, so now we're up to Friday...

Friday-I had to work on what is probably the most pointless day of the year. First of all, nobody is there. There were 5 people (including me) in my department. Second, its like a Monday and a Friday all rolled into one. You don't want to do anything in the morning, because you just got back and you don't feel like doing anything in the afternoon, because its almost the weekend. So I struggled through the day, came home, and prepared to fulfill my promise to go out. Going out in Houtzdale is fun every so once a year. Its a novelty. If you go to often, it gets old because its the same people doing the same things every week. First, you have the young crowd, who all act like they've never drank before. (Although it was fun watching the guy who just turned 21, sitting at the bar repeating "F*ck your couch, Charlie Murphy" all night). Then you have the old, trashy crowd, who all are wishing they were 21 again. Oh, and did I mention that they are all hideous? Plus, I got myself into some pretty awkward situations: My brother's ex-girlfriend grinding on me and walking into an apparent drug-deal in the bathroom. But, with a little help from my friend (alcohol), I survived the night.

Saturday-I woke up late (after 11) and went out to help my dad decorate the house. It's tradition that we do this the Saturday after Thanksgiving and this was the first time we've ever done it in temperatures about 12 degrees. This was also the first time we haven't harassed my dad to the point where he flips out and calls us a "bunch of flaming a-holes". Either he's getting mellow in his old age, or we're losing our touch. After that, I went to Philipsburg to get some Chinese food. Chinese food is always an adventure, because its my experience that you have about a 70-30 chance of them actually getting your order right. The guy behind the counter never writes anything down, and even though you're reeling off a list of 70 items, he just looks at you and says "Okay" after each item. Then he goes to the back, fries up a cat, and puts some sauce on it. So maybe it doesn't matter. Anyway, he got my order right, so that means I'm screwed next time. I came back to Altoona later that night and watched Notre Dame, the most overrated team in the country, get their asses kicked by USC.

Sunday-I tuned in for the first 5 minutes of the Steeler game and quickly turned it off. This year blows for football. Florida State is horrible (though we finally got rid of Jeff Bowden) and the Steelers make me want to puke. So I'm just waiting for basketball to get in gear. Luckily, I found curling on NBC, which is quickly moving up my ladder of favorite sports to watch. There is not a lot of action, but the strategy/skill factor in the game is awesome. I think they should replace all remaining Steelers games with curling match-ups, because at this point, they are equally meaningless. My parents then called that night to request a Christmas list, and it was then that I realized that I don't really like Christmas anymore. It was a lot more fun when you were a kid, and all you did was put together a list of the thousand toys you want, and then you waited around for Santa to bring them. Now though, I have to get "practical" gifts, not to mention decorate the house, figure out what to buy everyone else, go shopping etc. Call me Scrooge, but I liked Christmas a lot better when it was all about receiving and not giving.

So that was pretty much my weekend. Hopefully, I can get back in the groove and have some fairly regular posts in the future. Of course, now I have all this damn Christmas stuff to do, so who knows....